i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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