Walk of Shame. In a state park.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
