Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
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According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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