can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
