If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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