So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
