Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
