You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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