its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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