dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
