My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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