I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize