You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
