i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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