i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
