if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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