So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My vagina is officially offended.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
