I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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