just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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