I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
