I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
