it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
