yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
