uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
