eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
