i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
