Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
