thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
