Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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