Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
