Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina

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(816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina http://tfl.nu/2dpv

Replies (92) Good night (28092) Bad night (1096)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.

(305): View more from Florida

Did you save them?

(404): View more from Georgia

Who?

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(404): Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning. (305): Did you save them? (404): Who? http://tfl.nu/1xdf

Replies (28) Good night (5529) Bad night (1200)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel

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(336): There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel http://tfl.nu/7mru

Replies (16) Good night (864) Bad night (3408)
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(361): View more from Texas

I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.

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(361): I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off. http://tfl.nu/sc97

Replies (21) Good night (4316) Bad night (1510)
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(816): View more from Missouri

I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.

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(816): I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen. http://tfl.nu/atwf

Replies (10) Good night (3096) Bad night (1050)
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(630): View more from Illinois

You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.

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(630): You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that. http://tfl.nu/mbpz

Replies (14) Good night (1799) Bad night (1293)
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(556): View more from

Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard

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(556): Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard http://tfl.nu/2l07

Replies (10) Good night (2083) Bad night (712)
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(253): View more from Washington

I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.

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(253): I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears. http://tfl.nu/f427

Replies (8) Good night (718) Bad night (1619)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??

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(580): Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come?? http://tfl.nu/rcqs

Replies (7) Good night (1143) Bad night (521)
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(512): View more from Texas

I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.

(1-512): View more from Texas

I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.

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(512): I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland. (1-512): I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies. http://tfl.nu/m9ig

Replies (5) Good night (1047) Bad night (377)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.

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(778): I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack. http://tfl.nu/1g01

Replies (9) Good night (462) Bad night (697)
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(509): View more from Washington

Stalker pic that shit

(1-509): View more from Washington

He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'

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(509): Stalker pic that shit (1-509): He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you' http://tfl.nu/clxy

Replies (2) Good night (360) Bad night (527)
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(513): View more from Ohio

you fail at everything in life besides blacking out

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(513): you fail at everything in life besides blacking out http://tfl.nu/frqk

Replies (0) Good night (401) Bad night (285)
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(816): View more from Missouri

I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants

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(816): I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants http://tfl.nu/igf3

Replies (1) Good night (502) Bad night (236)
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(850): View more from Florida

she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...

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(850): she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top... http://tfl.nu/vvwb

Replies (3) Good night (174) Bad night (584)

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