my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
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