Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.

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  (402): Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you. http://tfl.nu/55t9
  Replies (34) Good night (3454) Bad night (1028)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...

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  (610): just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating... http://tfl.nu/t9b4
  Replies (47) Good night (1637) Bad night (5594)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?

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  (901): I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that? http://tfl.nu/6l8j
  Replies (13) Good night (1001) Bad night (3763)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.

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  (847): she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay. http://tfl.nu/cwvk
  Replies (4) Good night (849) Bad night (3108)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly

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  (678): I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly http://tfl.nu/mkzb
  Replies (6) Good night (3205) Bad night (1148)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.

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  (313): They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks. http://tfl.nu/knfo
  Replies (4) Good night (2538) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.

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  (910): Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here. http://tfl.nu/sd9v
  Replies (1) Good night (1118) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"

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  (954): After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr" http://tfl.nu/5atv
  Replies (5) Good night (577) Bad night (322)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?

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  (408): I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win? http://tfl.nu/gfqe
  Replies (12) Good night (833) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore

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  (410): Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore http://tfl.nu/vhu2
  Replies (2) Good night (331) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom

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  (309): I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom http://tfl.nu/hu06
  Replies (2) Good night (963) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (779): View more from Illinois

  I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day

  (779): View more from Illinois

  Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Yes.

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  (779): I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day (779): Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate? (815): Yes. http://tfl.nu/1qpc
  Replies (1) Good night (628) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.

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  (716): Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head. http://tfl.nu/o46h
  Replies (0) Good night (467) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot

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  (850): I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot http://tfl.nu/c07x
  Replies (0) Good night (178) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good

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  (503): Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good http://tfl.nu/6f7a
  Replies (0) Good night (272) Bad night (135)

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