Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.

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  (708): just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay. http://tfl.nu/cdim
  Replies (26) Good night (1299) Bad night (6020)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.

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  (601): I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k978
  Replies (13) Good night (3743) Bad night (1182)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.

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  (214): Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse. http://tfl.nu/4gmt
  Replies (35) Good night (10227) Bad night (3279)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well

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  (917): about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well http://tfl.nu/ygjn
  Replies (14) Good night (5112) Bad night (1212)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".

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  (847): just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain". http://tfl.nu/ukpa
  Replies (26) Good night (14665) Bad night (1313)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve

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  (386): I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve http://tfl.nu/p2o3
  Replies (9) Good night (2772) Bad night (836)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same

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  (630): we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same http://tfl.nu/ozek
  Replies (40) Good night (2395) Bad night (6945)
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  (607): View more from New York

  his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.

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  (607): his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop. http://tfl.nu/p3uz
  Replies (10) Good night (3674) Bad night (825)
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  (631): View more from New York

  can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished

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  (631): can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished http://tfl.nu/t99v
  Replies (8) Good night (3630) Bad night (1231)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.

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  (256): Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby. http://tfl.nu/s0x6
  Replies (9) Good night (1951) Bad night (746)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke

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  (314): It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke http://tfl.nu/h2tw
  Replies (4) Good night (566) Bad night (982)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.

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  (678): I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth. http://tfl.nu/apt1
  Replies (5) Good night (1318) Bad night (571)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Cockoligist

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Yes, one may refer to me as that.

  (587): View more from Alberta

  I should make business cards.

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  (780): Cockoligist (587): Yes, one may refer to me as that. (587): I should make business cards. http://tfl.nu/nsw3
  Replies (8) Good night (875) Bad night (431)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.

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  (303): Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair. http://tfl.nu/ft15
  Replies (5) Good night (828) Bad night (389)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.

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  (781): Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it. http://tfl.nu/uzna
  Replies (1) Good night (728) Bad night (343)

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