hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.