Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries