you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now