I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?