Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
