Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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