Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Im part way to drunk.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
