Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
