I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
