I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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