the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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