You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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