he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
