U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
