you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
BRING THE BAGELS
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
