Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize