Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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