What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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