My friends, they love my intelligence
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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