And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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