I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
