I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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