we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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