If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
