Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
