guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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