All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
