she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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