my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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