Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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