I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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