I can't watch pbs sober anymore
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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