Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
