Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
