I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
