You're my little dorito
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
