Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
