There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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