My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
