I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
