I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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