Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
